Walking forward....

The weekend visit has wrapped up and although I have run the gamut of emotions, as I sit here currently I miss the little guy!  Unfortunately most of our activities we planned had to be changed due to the weather not cooperating, but we adjusted!  Friday night ended up being a pizza and movie night.  As a family, we love our Friday night movie time so this felt very normal to us.  However, quickly into the movie I realized this wasn’t quite so normal for the little man.  He was up and down, up and down, and just couldn’t sit still and watch it!  I know some of you parents of boys are laughing at me right now saying, “Rachel....that’s just boy” and maybe your right...but I don’t know boys...yet.  :-)  However I thought to ask him if he watched many movies or much tv.  He said no.  Oh....well that makes sense!  So the journey begins of getting to know him better.  (although I sure hope he begins to enjoy a movie from time to time.....cause we sure do!  :-) )  So Saturday we all went to the farmers market and Walmart.  That was our first time out all together and proved to be quite uneventful....which by the way....is a good thing.  We had plans to head to the pool but oddly enough it was closed!?  So we hung out at the house then went to a dear friends house for dinner.  She has several boys so he thoroughly enjoyed himself running and playing with them. (and I am sure it was a welcome break from all the estrogen!! )  Sunday we all went to church together then hit the pool.  This however didn’t go without eventfulness!  :-0  As we got ready we had asked him if he could swim (yep....you know where this is going.....).  His response was yes. Thankfully neither Russ or I believed him....cause he couldn’t!!!  Russ said you know its like....you don’t have any fear until fear slaps you in the face.  Well fear slapped him in the face in the deep end of the pool.  Honestly he was just playing in the area he could touch and slowly crept out to the deeper waters.  As Russ watched him get deeper and deeper, he began to bob up and down and panic lit up in his little face.  And yes...the good parent...Russ was right there to get him.  Seriously it wasn’t as eventful as I am making it sound.....but he sure didn’t want to get back in the water until we found a life vest.  Hopefully he will learn quickly to love the water.  The girls are little fish and we swim all the time!!!!  That night at the dinner table we were recapping our “highs” and “lows” of the day.  He laughingly said his low was when Russ almost let him drown.  Russ quickly spoke up...”Wait a minute!!!!  I didn’t almost let you drown ...you did that yourself!”  Oh dear.....I can hear that one not going over so well with the social workers!  ;-)  So Monday rolls around and its time for him to return to his current foster home.  As I was driving to meet his social worker it just all become surreal to me.  How unnatural this whole situation was/is seems so natural and normal.  Time and time again God has confirmed in my solid and in my shaky moments that this is the path he is leading Russ and I and our family on...and with confidence we walk forward!  

Finally....an update!!!!

You know when you have that moment of thinking, “you know I’m so far behind why does it even matter?”  Well....that is how I feel right now about this blog!!!  I mean....really.....its been quite some time!  But as I discussed in my previous post....oftentimes there is no news....so no news doesn’t really breed any new posts!  But guess what?  We have an update to share!!!  

There’s a back story to how we got here, so I guess I should share that first.  In October we renewed our home study with Bethany Christian Services.  As we were in that process, we were continually confronted with the question of why were we adopting?  We have asked ourselves that over and over and our answer continues to come that we are to provide a child with a home who otherwise wouldn’t have one.  So in this lay our struggle with infant adoption.  As we hashed out our thoughts with the director of Bethany, she was very honest with us in commenting that there really aren’t any infant orphans in the US.  Someone in the US will adopt an infant.  That the orphans stateside are those children who are older in age.  She encouraged us to began looking at other agencies as we wrestled with this idea.  So we...well, I did!  And I selected profile searches based on sex and an older age of 4 and under.  After many searches it became quite apparent that there just aren’t many children even under 4 who are legally free for adoption.  So I slowly crept my age limit up to 6...still feeling comfortable!  Then one day I ran across a profile of a young boy named Darryl who lived in AL.  Darryl wasn’t 6....he was 13!  :-0  So I sent Russ an email of the profile and asked him to take a look.  I fully expected him to reply by telling me that I had lost my mind and to shut down my computer and walk away!  But guess what?  Much to my surprise...he didn’t!  He simply replied, “Let’s talk about this when I get home.”  Which to me meant it wasn’t ruled out.  But wait a minute!!!!  That wasn’t what he was supposed to say.  Oh my!!!  What had I done?!?!  (ever had those moments!!!!)  So he gets home and we talk about it and for whatever reason we ended up inquiring about this teen.  God used this inquiry for us to learn more about out of state adoption and about adopting out of DHS custody.  We quickly realized we really wanted to try and stay in state if possible.  And we also realized we needed to take some further classes if we wanted to adopt through DHS.  So our pursuit of that began.  And this story in itself is another interworking of the Lord.  I had a college sorority sister who had helped start 200 Million Flowers which helps people interested in adopting.  So I picked up the phone and called them.  The lady I talked with actually had worked with Russ before in a previous counseling position so that was fun connection.  She then referred us to an agency called Southern Christian Services.  So when I called them, I began telling a little of our story and the lady then asked me what our last name was.  When I replied “Schulte” she then said, “Oh my goodness...I know your husband.  I have clients of mine talk about how helpful he has been for them!”  That was cool to hear!  And so our journey with Southern Christian Services began......

We started our mandated DHS training in March and finished that the end of April.  It was during that time that we narrowed down our window of age to 12 and under.  My rationale (good or bad...I don’t know...please don’t judge me ;-) ) was that we already don’t know boys, don’t know black boys, don’t know adoption so we didn’t need to add the “don’t know jr. high” in there as well!!!  Elementary was our cap!  By the end of our training we were being told it could be any day...and with our age range being relatively high that it likely would be quick.  And in the grand scheme of things...it has been quick, but for the next two months...it didn’t feel so quick!!  So we waited sometimes patiently, sometimes not so patiently.  But then, June 18, 2014, the call came! Our social worker called to tell us there was a child....potentially!  What?!?!  A child....maybe?  Either there was or there wasn’t, right?  No..I am kidding.  There were some logistics around the situation that I won’t go in to, but the case worker knew that no matter if this child were to be presented to us or not that we would be praying for them so she decided to go ahead and tell us.  He was an 8 year old AA male.  Well, two days later, Friday, June 20, we were given the green light to view his profile and begin the process!  In God’s perfect planning, we were leaving for the beach the very next day!  Really!!!!  There wasn’t anything we were going to be able to do for another whole week.  Dang it!  But that in itself was a beautiful gift as well.  It made both Russ and I be more aware and intentional with the girls while on vacation.  It kind of reminded me about times past when pregnant with the next child...I’ve always had those moments where I get a little sentimental thinking this is the last time such and such will happen as a family of three...as a family of four, etc....  So I must admit what I already know to be true...God’s timing is perfect!!!

So, we return from vacation on a Friday and set up a meeting with this young boy for that Sunday.  Russ, myself and the girls drove to meet him in Starkville at a yogurt shop.  We met for several hours and all enjoyed our visit.  Leading up to this meeting I was really nervous.  I mean, how does this go?  Is this like an interview?  Hey....you like us?  Do we like you?  I mean really????  Awkward!!!  How do you hold a conversation for any length of time with an 8 year old (boy at that) who you don’t know but want to get to know well...quickly.  I just couldn’t picture how it was going to happen.  But even with all those thoughts, two nights before our meeting God gave me an overwhelming sense of calmness and peace about the meeting.  He also woke me around 5 am the day before and it was almost as if I heard a little whisper saying “pack a bag of games and toys to play”.  Ahhhh!  Genius!  It was such a gift that the Lord gave to me.  So I packed a little bag of toys and they were a hit.  The kids played and talked and we talked and played some as well.  So thankful!!!!  Then came the bizarreness of saying goodbye....not really knowing how he felt...and wanting to all process how we felt.  But we survived!  

Since we met in Starkville, Russ and I decided to take the girls over to the chapel on campus where our whole relationship started.  This is where Russ and I had our “defining the relationship” conversation as well as the place where he proposed to me over 15 years ago!  (yikes...that long, really?)  Here’s a picture we took from the exact pew where we sat.  It was really a special moment with the girls and one of great reflection for me as I sat and thought about where the Lord has guided and directed us since those first days.  Such a testimony of his faithfulness!!!  

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So in the days following we learned that he had a good time and was asking when he could come see our home in Jackson.  The following week the girls were headed up to St. Louis for their annual week at Meemaw and Pappaw’s, so we decided that would be a good time for him to come down and visit and us to get to know him better.  So with that visit we met for lunch with plans to then come to our house for a bit.  We were encouraged that during lunch he had asked if he could ride with us in our car to the house.  As we were driving I was steady asking him lots of questions.  Shocker, I know!!!  For me I long to connect with people by knowing what they like or dislike, what makes them happy, etc... and since I didn’t know him, I needed to get to know him so I could connect!!  So as I fired off the questions, I quickly realized he was getting overwhelmed.  I told him that people often say I ask a lot of questions and asked him if he would agree.  He just looked at me, then looked at Russ as if to ask, “am I supposed to be truthful here?” and laughed as he shook his head yes!  So I took the hit and quit asking questions....for a bit!  ;-)  We had a great visit at the house, playing the wii, walking the dog and throwing the ball in the yard.  We were so thankful to have this opportunity to spend more time getting to know him.  I took this picture below while we took our dog Ozzie on a walk.  Per advice from our social worker, I wanted to have a picture or two of him on the refrigerator for when he came back.  So I printed and placed this one on the fridge today..before he came to visit.  After doing so, I realized the words written on the magnet I used to hold the picture on...Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you hope and future.”  Coincidental???  I think not!!!    :-)

So, after the day visit came an overnight stay.  And that is where we are currently!  He came today at noon and will be with us over the next couple of days.  We look forward to time spent getting to know this young fellow.  And I look forward to documenting more of our story as the days unfold.  For now I sign off thankful that as I think about how many nights we have prayed for “that little boy” whoever he might be and prayed for his head to soon be resting on the pillows we have on the bed in “his” room....I am confidently optimistic that “that little boys” head is sleeping soundly on that pillow tonight!!  

Is No news good news???

I have had to ask myself this question on more than one occasion. In the adoption world (particularly the waiting stage) IS no news good news?  Often times my emotional side says ,"no...it isn't good news".  We just had to renew our home study which in some ways is even difficult to write. Waiting, completely ready for a solid year!!  But alas, I'm so very grateful for God's promise that He makes all things beautiful in His time...key word for me...HIS time....not Rachel's time. :-). So many things GOOD things have happened this year, and I rest with peace that His plan is perfect, therefore we wait for our next child to come into our family.  So with confidence I can say, "YES!!! No news IS good news!"

Little reminders....

This week we received a card in the mail with cash and this note.  No return address.....card not signed.    These are the little reminders that God is the provider of all things.  Thank you from our family not only for the gift, but also the reminder that God is in control.  I must admit having gotten through the holidays and t shirt fundraiser, I am sitting on go waiting for THE call.  God has graciously given both Russ and I the peace to continue praying and believing that....He makes all things beautiful in His time!  Please join us in this prayer that He will continue to grant us peace and patience as we wait on His timing!
With much love,
Rachel

T-shirts are here!!!

If you purchased a t shirt, you either have it by now or its on its way!!  We were very pleased with the end product and hope that you will be too!  It is our hope that as you wear them you will have opportunities to bring awareness to adoption and we would love it if when you wore it you said a prayer for our family too!   :-)  We have the ability to order more, so if you didn't get a chance to get one or would like another, please let us know.
And again, thank you so much for praying for and supporting our family!

Goal reached!!!

Yeah for reaching goals!!  We placed the order for t shirts today.  Our goal starting out was to sell 100 and we were able to order 115!  Thanks to all of you who have supported us in this endeavor...and be on the lookout for your t shirt in the next few weeks!

Lesson #2 - Gaining a different perspective

As I wrote earlier, there have been many things brought to my attention throughout this adoption process that I haven't really had to think about until now.  So, what are these things? Well, there are many and here are my ramblings on them...Specifically, I have become more aware of the reality that adopting a child of a different race will bring with it its own unique set of challenges.   With any adoption, there is an added layer of complexity, so naturally throw in a different race on top of the adoption and you have a double layer of complexity!  Some things people have discussed seemed quite obvious, then others seem to hit me right in the gut.

For some examples...

- Hair.  Along this journey I have encountered individuals who, upon finding we are adopting an African American, have asked what I am going to do about their hair.  Prior to these questions, I honestly didn't know this was an important issue.  I knew there would be differences, and I am probably (not probably...I am) naive to what it takes to care for African American hair.  However, I just didn't know to consider this as a process that I would have to grow in as a part of becoming a multicultural family.

- Belonging.  At one conference, one of the dads shared a story of him and his son in Walmart.  They had lost sight of the mom (his wife) and he grabbed his son by the hand and said out loud, "Let's go find your mommy!"  Innocent situation, right?  Well, the man was white and his son black, so when the lady on the aisle heard him say that out loud, she raced over to try to help him find his mom.  It took a great deal of explaining to the lady for her to understand he was the child's father.  I know this seems small, but it spoke reality to me that through the eyes of the watching world, it will never be automatically assumed that our son is ours!  Not the case with our girls who all look alike and look much like us.

- Environment.  I think it quite natural that we tend to associate with those most like us.  But what happens when you adopt a child that with their ethnicity comes additional cultural things you don't know about?  In our transracial training we had to do an exercise where we placed colored beads on a bracelet representing the skin coloring of different people in our lives.  Examples included hair dresser, doctor, mailman, neighbor, pastor, librarian, police officers, etc....  The leader then shared that most likely the majority of our beads reflect colors similar to our own skin color.  While there's nothing particularly wrong with this, she shared that given nothing changing, our son would always be different than most everyone he is around.  This bracelet (which I plan to wear until our son comes home) serves as a tangible, visual reminder for me.

- Birth family.  With the way Bethany allows birth families to select via profile, there is no "closed" adoption....all are open to some degree.  To what degree is determined on a case by case decision between those involved.  I have really come to appreciate Bethany's approach as to how they handle adoptions and how one of their main priorities is to minister to the birth mom/family throughout the process and for as long as needed.  Russ mentioned in a previous post about the panel discussion involving birth moms.  It was powerful to hear their stories and certainly a poignant reminder to me that this is no small decision taken lightly on the part of a birth mom.

These things have helped me begin to gain a different perspective as we continue this journey of adoption.  I love the wording "headed down this road" "as I think about how turning on a road doesn't mean you have arrived at your destination.  It does, however, mean you are heading in a direction towards your destination.  There may be hills and valleys as we take this journey, but as a child of God, He has promised to lead us.  In the words of an Andrew Peterson song...."Holy is the Lord, Holy is the Lord and the Lord I will obey.  Lord help me I don't know the way."  May this be true of our family as we seek to follow God's leading us down this path....