So this whole process of adoption has been one of exciting times, yes, but also difficult times. No one likes to write about the difficulties....they aren’t any fun now are they? Well with the difficulties and trials comes growth. Growth is a good thing! (unless its sideways...in that case I guess you could argue it isn’t any good :-) )
My growth comes in the form of a lie....that turned into something encouraging?!?! How does that happen? Let me to share....
This afternoon little man sat down to do his homework. It was a sheet with clocks and he was to be reading and recording the analog time on them. So he set off to the task at hand. Insert key piece here......Earlier in the week he had seen Olivia and me working with a clock we have for homeschool that when you place the hands on the numbers there is a window where you can see the time.....Okay....back to story. So when I came back in the room, he had gone and gotten the clock. Immediately I knew what he was doing....just copying the placement of the hands on the paper to those on the clock so he could get the numbers and move on! Oh sly one.....he just thought he could get away with that one...ha ha! So I asked him what he was doing with the clock and immediately an answer came out, “I don’t understand these lines. I’m just trying to figure it out.” The only problem with that answer is that he had gotten a couple problems in (and gotten them correct) then suddenly realized he didn’t know how to do it. Oops....he didn’t think that one out very well!!! (and I’m not complaining about that!) So as I talked with him about the fact that his answer wasn’t consistent with his doing the work before, I asked him if he might have another answer as to why he was using the clock. He thought about it then opted to tell the truth! He was using the clock to make it easier! Now, why was this encouraging you might ask? I was encouraged that when faced with the opportunity to continue with his story and lie, or to tell the truth, he told the truth! This is a situation I could see playing out with any of my other children, so I don’t think it is specific to our situation with little man. However with little man we haven’t had the years of investing in him so I was super encouraged to see him open to confessing. So as I sat with him I thought to myself, “what do I do now?” What I wanted from him was to hear him say he was sorry and reconcile so we could move on. I didn’t get that from him. He wasn’t able to say sorry and I had to be okay with that. Not easy for me! It was in that moment God just whispered in my ear.....”just hug him and hold him and reassure him you love him.” I asked him if he would come near and let me hug him. He did and just wrapped his little arms around me and held on for a good minute or so. I just sat there and held him. Afterwards I reminded him of how honesty and trust were important in a relationship and how I was thankful he was honest and told me the truth. A friend who has also adopted had once shared with me that a good way to handle discipline (particular speaking to children from hard places) is not to try and enforce punitive consequences or even taking things away, but rather to have a “time in” approach. Spend time with the child doing something so your building your relationship with them and in that context letting them know their actions aren’t acceptable but that they are! So, we went outside together for a bit. Honestly, it was healing both for me and him! I don’t know about you but when someone wrongs me its not so natural for me to want to be around them. But this was so helpful for us both. So, chalk one up for growth on my part....and hopefully growth in his little heart as well!!! :-)
