Lesson #2 - Gaining a different perspective

As I wrote earlier, there have been many things brought to my attention throughout this adoption process that I haven't really had to think about until now.  So, what are these things? Well, there are many and here are my ramblings on them...Specifically, I have become more aware of the reality that adopting a child of a different race will bring with it its own unique set of challenges.   With any adoption, there is an added layer of complexity, so naturally throw in a different race on top of the adoption and you have a double layer of complexity!  Some things people have discussed seemed quite obvious, then others seem to hit me right in the gut.

For some examples...

- Hair.  Along this journey I have encountered individuals who, upon finding we are adopting an African American, have asked what I am going to do about their hair.  Prior to these questions, I honestly didn't know this was an important issue.  I knew there would be differences, and I am probably (not probably...I am) naive to what it takes to care for African American hair.  However, I just didn't know to consider this as a process that I would have to grow in as a part of becoming a multicultural family.

- Belonging.  At one conference, one of the dads shared a story of him and his son in Walmart.  They had lost sight of the mom (his wife) and he grabbed his son by the hand and said out loud, "Let's go find your mommy!"  Innocent situation, right?  Well, the man was white and his son black, so when the lady on the aisle heard him say that out loud, she raced over to try to help him find his mom.  It took a great deal of explaining to the lady for her to understand he was the child's father.  I know this seems small, but it spoke reality to me that through the eyes of the watching world, it will never be automatically assumed that our son is ours!  Not the case with our girls who all look alike and look much like us.

- Environment.  I think it quite natural that we tend to associate with those most like us.  But what happens when you adopt a child that with their ethnicity comes additional cultural things you don't know about?  In our transracial training we had to do an exercise where we placed colored beads on a bracelet representing the skin coloring of different people in our lives.  Examples included hair dresser, doctor, mailman, neighbor, pastor, librarian, police officers, etc....  The leader then shared that most likely the majority of our beads reflect colors similar to our own skin color.  While there's nothing particularly wrong with this, she shared that given nothing changing, our son would always be different than most everyone he is around.  This bracelet (which I plan to wear until our son comes home) serves as a tangible, visual reminder for me.

- Birth family.  With the way Bethany allows birth families to select via profile, there is no "closed" adoption....all are open to some degree.  To what degree is determined on a case by case decision between those involved.  I have really come to appreciate Bethany's approach as to how they handle adoptions and how one of their main priorities is to minister to the birth mom/family throughout the process and for as long as needed.  Russ mentioned in a previous post about the panel discussion involving birth moms.  It was powerful to hear their stories and certainly a poignant reminder to me that this is no small decision taken lightly on the part of a birth mom.

These things have helped me begin to gain a different perspective as we continue this journey of adoption.  I love the wording "headed down this road" "as I think about how turning on a road doesn't mean you have arrived at your destination.  It does, however, mean you are heading in a direction towards your destination.  There may be hills and valleys as we take this journey, but as a child of God, He has promised to lead us.  In the words of an Andrew Peterson song...."Holy is the Lord, Holy is the Lord and the Lord I will obey.  Lord help me I don't know the way."  May this be true of our family as we seek to follow God's leading us down this path....