1. I will never be able to comprehend just how brave and strong this little guy is! He is such an incredible kid! Easy to love (most of the time :) ) and genuinely grateful to be with us (again, most of the time :) ). As we grow to know each other more he is becoming more open and vulnerable with us and we are so grateful. We were talking over the holidays about his attending a basketball camp. I pointed out that he likely wouldn't know anyone there at first, and asked how would he feel about that. His response was that it didn't matter to him. Then I stopped and thought about it.....this little 3 day camp was nothing compared to moving in with complete strangers...for the rest of your life!! Wowzers!!! Reality check!!!
2. This one is a real shocker I'm sure.....but bringing a child of ANY age into your home causes upheaval in the family system. Whether an infant whose feeding and diaper changes are endless along with sleepless nights or an older child who comes with an opinion, attitude and their own habits. Either can, and will, change the family dynamic.
3. Regression can be a healthy thing. As I had a therapist recently tell me.....we all have the need to go through the stages of development in our lifetime. Some get it starting at birth, others a little later, and some as adults may have to go through those stages. There are stages we are quite certain little man has missed this far and our desire is for him to move through them at his pace. This can take on many different forms. There are moments when he's acting more like an adult (a role he has had to take on at times), moments when he is a typical 9 year old boy, and moments when he is more infantile. These are the times when I am reminded that regression to earlier stages can and is a healthy thing for little man, and I want to love him in and through these stages!
4. I long to have him feel safe enough to share openly with us about anything, but I have come to realize I will need to learn how to be ok if he never gets there. Often times we will get in conversations about his past and I want him to open the floodgates and share all. I really have to hold myself back from wanting to fire off questions just to get my answers. There are times he is open to talk and other times he isn't. I need to be ok with that! But its sooooo hard.........
5. I do have enough love in my heart for a 4th child, and God has placed it there. I will admit there was a thought at one time, "will I be able to love him like the girls?" but God has made that happen! Just the other day little man came up to me and hugged on me saying, "this is my momma...my momma" while Emily was sitting next to me. I was fully prepared to have to navigate the stickiness of Emily responding that No indeed, I was not his mom, but I was hers. However, Emily looked at him and said, "She isn't your mom, she is OUR mom!" Oh what a delight that was to hear! And I had the opportunity at that point to share with little man that God has given me so much love in my heart that he has given me 4 children with whom to share it! As I told that to him, it was as if I was talking to myself, and God allowed me to be reminded of those doubts and how he had taken care of them!
6. Two steps forward and one step back IS STILL PROGRESS!!!! In our experience, to get the beauty of good days, there is often a bad day leading up to it! It seems that as we begin to show consistency and extend love and grace to little man he is slowly letting us in to his inner world. Those times are precious. But inevitably, those precious times tend to follow a hard time. I am choosing to adopt the motto...Two steps forward one step back is still progress! ;-)
That's all this jumbled brain has got for now......likely more ramblings to come again soon!
6. Two steps forward and one step back IS STILL PROGRESS!!!! In our experience, to get the beauty of good days, there is often a bad day leading up to it! It seems that as we begin to show consistency and extend love and grace to little man he is slowly letting us in to his inner world. Those times are precious. But inevitably, those precious times tend to follow a hard time. I am choosing to adopt the motto...Two steps forward one step back is still progress! ;-)
That's all this jumbled brain has got for now......likely more ramblings to come again soon!
