God's hand is evident in our lives....

Throughout this entire ordeal with little man, I have felt a peace that is really unexplainable, however there is some level of doubt and questioning that I feel as well.  There is one thing that has remained constant and that is the knowledge that God has and always will be with me.  This could not have been made more clear today than in how he orchestrated the details in the passing of my grandmother.  First off earlier in the day I had a very encouraging conversation with a friend of mine.  She referenced how encouraged she recently was in how God was showing her tangible ways he was taking care of her.  As I listened to her I was encouraged myself of His faithfulness to His children.  Then he allowed these events to unfold.  …..This morning my aunt called and asked me if she could drop by some papers for me to give my dad.  I told her since we would be out later in the day running errands, I could just swing by and get them.  She was at the hospice facility my grandmother had been moved to the day before.  Russ got off work and ended up going with us on our errands…which meant that instead of my aunt meeting me out front with the papers bc I had the girls, I decided to run inside the facility and get them myself and leave the kids in the van with Russ.  I ran in quickly and gave her a kiss on the cheek and told her I loved her.  As I kissed her my aunt commented, “Gram, can you give Rachel a smile?”  She did.  That will be my last memory of her.  So as I was leaving, I texted my mom and dad, who happened to be in a town nearby, that I thought it might not be much longer that Gram would be with us.  I had taken the girls to see her the day before and she had made a rapid decline in my opinion.  They decided to head there to be with her.  Within an hour of me leaving I received a text from my dad that my grandmother had passed peacefully while he and one of his sisters stood at her bedside holding her hand.  So thankful he could be there and so thankful I got to kiss her and see that smile one last time.  And it was all because of some papers I decided to pick up from my Aunt at a certain time this afternoon, then a decision to text my dad about her condition.  Some might say that its all coincidence, but I can’t believe that.  God’s hand is evident in all of this.  God has and always will be with me.  And I am so grateful he’s given me a front row seat at seeing that today.  

change in our plans.......

Our adoption journey has taken a staggering change in direction.  We have had to make the very difficult and painful decision that our family just can not meet the needs of little man, therefore he is no longer in our home.  This may come as a complete shock to you and in many ways our family is still dealing with the shock.  First off let me say that there has not been any “one incident” or issue that has caused this decision.  It has been a myriad of things over many months that have caused us to realize we just can not give the time, energy, and attention to meet his needs without sacrificing the needs of the rest of the family.  Little man is an incredible kid and we love him dearly.  It is still hard to reconcile how we could feel so certain of God’s calling to move in the direction of adoption, then feel so certain He has other plans.  My verse for little man has been Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you….plans to prosper, not to harm you.  Plans to give you a hope and a future.”  Early on in this journey I had put a picture of his first visit to our home on the refrigerator and realized that the magnet I had used had this verse on it.  Here that picture is…. 

Although I thought God’s plans were for him to be a part of our family forever, I am learning to trust in God’s promise to him.  God knows the plans He has for little man.  I obviously don’t…and may never!  But I must trust in the one who loves him more than I ever could.  God is in control and He knows what little man needs!  

As time moves forward I hope to use this blog to share in our experience of fostering this young man.  God has and will continue to use this journey to shape all our lives.  I am confident of that.